


Looking for an answer!

by tensh_iie



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Grief/Mourning, It's not Stiles or Derek, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Married Couple, Married Life, it's sad... but not bad, slight angst, stiles and Derek are married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 09:58:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12554912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tensh_iie/pseuds/tensh_iie
Summary: Stiles had locked himself into his and Derek's shared bedroom for almost four days now. And no matter how often Derek or Lydia tried to coax him out, to comfort him - nothing worked. By now his husband was going crazy with worry.++Knock.Knock.Knock.“Stiles? Are you in there?”The voice sounded distant, almost muffled. He’s on the other side of the door, Genius, of course it sounds muffled. Stiles snorted at his own thoughts. That’s exactly why everyone keeps saying that he is a sarcastic SOB. But the fact that the owner of that voice was on the other side of the thick wooden door wasn’t the only reason it was so distant. The fact that Stiles sat in the dark, by the window, under a whole lot of blankets might be another reason. But just maybe, his mind added with a snort.“Stiles. Please… let me inside. It’s been three days now.”





	Looking for an answer!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this piece in a matter of six hours or something like that. It's nothing I have pondered over for hours, days or weeks. I just sat down and wrote what was on my mind. I am no friend of angst, but this time it kind of was called for. I hope you don't mind and will like it anyways! 
> 
> Mike Shinoda, thank you for the inspiration! <3 My hero!

Parts written in _italic_ are black flashes! Enjoy! 

 

_**"Looking for an answer"** _

 

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

“Stiles? Are you in there?”

The voice sounded distant, almost muffled. He’s on the other side of the door, Genius, of course it sounds muffled. Stiles snorted at his own thoughts. That’s exactly why everyone keeps saying that he is a sarcastic SOB. But the fact that the owner of that voice was on the other side of the thick wooden door wasn’t the only reason it was so distant. The fact that Stiles sat in the dark, by the window, under a whole lot of blankets might be another reason. But just maybe, his mind added with a snort.

“Stiles. Please… let me inside. It’s been three days now.”

“Three days?” To Stiles It felt more like three years, but then again you are prone to lose any feeling for time buried underneath blankets, with the shades drawn shut to avoid any kind of sunlight. For all he cares though it could be a hundred days. It wouldn’t change anything.

“I know you’re hurt. And I know… you need to sort your thoughts, but Derek’s right…. Let us help you.”

“Oh!” Stiles’ mind supplied, “A new voice. Female. Soft but determined. Lydia.”

Stiles rolled his eyes, even though deep inside his nest of comforters no one was able to see it anyways. He waited for more words to find their way trough the door, but nothing came. “Maybe they gave up. Finally!”

“Stiles? Babe… we’re going back down, okay? If you need anything… just call…. Or text me… or whatever.”

Derek’s voice was small, sounded almost exhausted and Stiles knew that it wasn’t because of the barrier between the both of them. Another sob wrenched it’s way out of his throat as he felt a wave of tears spill down his cheeks.

 

****

Lydia grabbed the kettle as soon as it’s shrill whistle echoed trough the room. She swiftly moved over to the two mugs she had placed next to the oven only a few seconds prior and started to fill them. The sweet aroma of herbal tea immediately flooded her senses as she brewed the hot beverage.

She took a deep breath and placed the kettle on the counter. Grabbing both mugs she turned around and for a moment her heart jumped in her chest.

But it wasn’t that happy, little ache that you feel when your heart jumps from joy or happiness. No, this ache had it’s nature in sadness, because that view in front of her broke her heart.

  
_“Lydia… meet Derek. I’m gonna marry him one day!” Stiles chirped as he stood next to the man he was introducing. The strawberry blonde shot him a confused frown before she focused back on the other man. His features were hard, his cheekbones probably could cut glass. A soft three day shadow covered his cheeks and made a great addition to his very prominent eyebrows. The man’s eyes were a mixture of hazel green, blue and grey. Kind eyes he had, that she had to admit._

_“Hello, my name is Derek. It’s nice to meet you!” he offered her his hand and Lydia gladly followed his invitation. He did not seem a bit disturbed by Stiles’ declaration of their future wedding._

_“Nice to meet you too.” Lydia answered and noticed how the other man’s shoulders sank a little bit, as if some sort of pressure had fallen off of him. Stiles probably had told him some kind of Horror Story about her again. She wasn’t a bitch, really. Derek’s posture was still solid and strong. His shoulder broad as he wrapped an arm around Stiles, showing him a blending smile. Yeah, Lydia could totally see what the brown-haired man liked in him._

  
Derek sat at the kitchen table, his body slumped as his hands covered his face. If Lydia wouldn’t know better she’d think that he was crying. But Derek Hale did not cry. Never. He did look so tiny and lost right now though. Usually he was towering, masculine and tall. He had this kind of presence on him that captured every room that he entered. Stiles once said it was one of the reason’s why he fell in love with him. But right now Derek’s looked nothing like this. He looked defeated.

“Here.” Lydia placed the mug carefully in front of Derek. He took a deep breath before he sat up and wrapped his fingers nimbly around the hot beverage. “Thank you!”

“No need to thank me.” She said and sat down across from him, her own cup in a tight grasp. Silence settled upon them once again and slowly it started to scare Lydia. This house never has been a place of silence. With Stiles’ constant rambling and laughter, doubled with Derek’s dry wit and private smiles it was always filled with warmth and comfort. These days it felt cold and dark. The laughter and rambling had come to a halt.

“He’ll come around, you know?” the strawberry blonde spoke softly, nipping on her tea. “He can never stay away from you for long.”

Derek snorted. “He’s been up there for almost four days.” Looking up his gaze met Lydia’s. She looked just as exhausted and tired as he did, but yet her eyes did have this glimpse of hope in them. Derek shook his head at himself. This wasn’t the time to be whiney. While he had to worry sorely over Stiles, Lydia had to comfort him, Stiles and Kira. Not to think of Melissa. She had every right to look as exhausted and tired as she did. Derek on the other hand…

“Stop that. I can hear your mind running.” She admonished him gently, “You have every right to feel the way you do. So does Stiles. Me. Kira. Everyone.”

Derek sighed again as he took a sip of his own tea and closed his eyes briefly. He knew all this, but how could he sit here and be sad about what happened when the love of his life had himself locked away in their bedroom? He had not spoken a word since almost four days. Stiles usually could stay quiet for thirty seconds straight.

Lydia had kept Derek up to date as to how the rest of the pack was doing, but when he was honest he had not been listening to her. His thoughts way too obsessed with finding a way to make Stiles feel better. Hell, he would die for a simple reaction from his husband to say the very least. He did not even want a lengthy conversation about feelings and emotions, even though if Stiles would want that he’d be there. But no. Derek would be happy with the opportunity of simply being with Stiles already.

 

****

_“I’m gonna beat your ass”_

_“Never. Never….. Ahhhhhhhhh, right…. Right, right….. God dammit”_

_Stiles cackled loudly but immediately sailed into a loud squeak as Scott’s character on the screen caught up on him, closer to beating him for real._

_“I’m gonna get you…. I’ll get you….”_

_“Not over my dead body you will.” Stiles spat, grabbing the controller harder as he let Yoshi spill a line of banana’s onto the track in hopes to bring Scott’s Mario into trouble. Said one knew this was coming trough and manoeuvred himself successfully trough the trap._

_“See? I know all your little dirty tricks” he cackled as he shifted in his position and leaned further forward towards the TV as if that would let Mario drive much faster then if he sat back._

_“You have seen nothing yet, Scotty my friend…” the younger male smirked._

  
Stiles opened his eyes, blinking slowly as he pushed the blanket from his face. It’s weight heavy and restricting around him as he peeled himself out of his comforter. When he fell asleep it felt good to be engulfed in his favourite blanket, Derek’s familiar scent tightly wrapped around him.

Waking up now, after dreaming about Scott, he felt constricted and almost breathless and struggled to come up for air. Sitting on the side of the bed Stiles leaned his head into his hands and took several deep and even breaths. His heart rate had picked up and he could feel his blood pulse against his veins, throbbing through his skin. Sweat had build on his forehead and he squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to put his mind into the right place again.

Scott wasn’t here. Scott wasn’t screaming at him while playing Mario Cart. His voice wasn’t chipper and filled with cheeky attitude as he bragged about his gaming skills.

“Wake up, Stiles!” he told himself as he forced his whiskey coloured eyes open and counted all his fingers. Ten. Not dreaming anymore then. Back to reality… a reality Stiles couldn’t accept, did not want to accept. A reality without Scott, without his best friend, his brother.

His gaze fell onto his bedside table and his phone. Grabbing it he unlocked the device, smiling briefly at the picture of Derek and himself before he pulled up Scott’s contact information. Hitting the call button he lifted the phone up to his ear and waited.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

 _“Hello”_ Scott’s voice rang from the speaker.

“Scotty. Wow. Dude, I had the weirdest….”

 _“I can not pick up the phone right now, I’m probably saving some poor puppy so leave a message after the beep!”_ Scott’s voice said and Stiles eyes grew wide with realisation.

Silence then…. Beep.

This wasn’t his best friend picking up the phone, it was nothing more than his mailbox. Stiles threw the phone onto the bed as anger rose in his chest.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”

 

****

Derek dropped the basked of laundry he was carrying towards the bathroom as he heard a loud scream coming from his and Stiles’ shared bedroom. Quickly he took the few steps and grabbed the handle tightly before he stopped.

Leaning his head against the wooden entrance he closed his eyes before he said, “Stiles? Are…. Are you okay?” He did not expect an answer though. His husband had not answered him the thousand other times he had asked this question either.

“Just… let me know you did not hurt yourself or anything.” He followed up and immediately did regret his choice of words when the door was wrenched open violently.

 

_“Stiles, please….” Derek’s voice rang trough to him, but it was shaky and almost insecure. A tone his husband’s voice almost never took. He had not sounded like that ever since Stiles’ had gotten the news about his father’s heart attack. Oh god. His dad…_

_“Oh my god, Derek…. Did my father have another heart attack? Is he okay? I need to call him.” Stiles fumbled for his phone as his thoughts started to race._

_“Stiles…. Baby… please.” Pleading. That’s new._

_Stiles stilled for a moment, wide eyes taking in his partner standing across of him. Derek’s hazel green eyes were wide open, filled with tears and terror as he looked at his husband,_

_“Derek?”_

_“Stiles… come here, please.”_

_“Are…. Are… is… my dad…. Derek…. Are…. Are you okay?”_

_“Please…”_

_“Derek… tell me!” Stiles snapped as angry tears started to slip down his face._

_“You dad is fine, Stiles. So am I. It’s…. It’s Scott. Stiles please, give me your hand.”_

_“Scott? Scott is alright, I just talked to him two hours ago… he… he is at Kira’s…. Having sex or training her puppy or something ridiculous like that.” Stiles voice was steady as he remembered the phone call with his best friend. He had sounded happy, almost chipper as he had shared his plans for the upcoming day._

_Derek blinked several times as he took another step forward, hand still offered towards Stiles._

_“Stiles… he… please let us sit down.”_

_Said one shook his head, anger rising up inside of him as he pushed Derek’s hand away. He did not want to sit down. He did not want to take things slow or whatever else Derek had intended with that gesture. He wanted to know what was going on, why Derek’s was acting to strange. Why the hell he was on the brinks of tears while talking about Scott._

_“What the hell is going on?” he said, shaking his head vehemently before his gaze found Derek’s once again._

_The black haired male stayed quiet, a silent tear slipping down his face as he watched his husband slowly slipping into a panic attack. He knew he had to tell Stiles, that there was no other way and yet he was not ready to handle whatever might happen after._

_“Derek Sebastian Hale…. Tell…. Me… what… the… fuck…. Is… going on?”_

 

Derek stood still in his tracks as he came face to face with Stiles for the very first time in over three days. His hair was a mess, his eyes sported the deepest circles he had ever seen. He was pale and his lips looked bitten through - and not in a good way. The last time he had seen Stiles in such kind of state was during the hospital stay of his dead, he heart surgery and recovery after.

Stiles eyes were wide and alert, filled with anger as his mouth did that little twitch it always did right before he would start screaming.

“Did you really just ask me if I was alright?” his voice boomed and Derek flinched for a second. Not because he was scared of his husband but because he had not heard his voice in days and the lack of use made it sound raspy and worn out.

“Stiles….”

“Don’t ‘Stiles’ me…. Fuck you….. Fuck you for asking if I was okay…. You know damn right I am not okay” he sputtered and Derek lowered his head, looking down onto the hardwood floor.

“Oh god…. Don’t look like a kicked puppy.” Stiles sounded annoyed now and the dark-haired male knew that his husband probably had rolled his eyes at him. “You are not a kicked puppy, Derek. You’re a grown-ass man and you should behave like that. And not walk around and ask people stupid questions like, if they’re okay.”

He took a deep breath, “Because you know… normally… if people loose someone they love… they are not okay. They are simply… not okay. They’re scared and lonely and worried and they mourn. They mourn the loss of that person and they want to be alone and not bothered with stupid questions or offers or whatever.”

With more use Stiles’ voice slowly started to sound more and more normal, Derek noted that with a small sliver of release while the other man kept ranting at him. “Losing someone does mean that you feel bad, sad, broken and depressed, Derek. Not okay…. Depressed and you wanna cry and scream and just…. Be” he kept rambling, his arms flying through the air like he was a windmill. Something Derek usually found absolutely endearing. Right now…. Not so much.

“And being depressed makes you wanna curl up in your bed under your favourite blanket and listen to sad music and never come out again. And you cry…. Oh my god you cry so much when you’re not okay. I have never cried so much in my life. I think I can’t cry anymore for the rest of my life. Yeah me… that’s good.” He laughed but it did not reach his eyes. It was more sarcastic or ironic, Derek wasn’t exactly sure.

“Do you know what the worst is when someone dies who you love? Oh god…. It’s all that guilt. I mean maybe I could’ve stopped all this, maybe I could have stopped him, maybe I could have changed his mind or anything similar. But I wasn’t there. Noooooo. I had to be here, with you and cuddle while my friend needed me the most. I did not even notice cause he was so happy when we spoke. I did not even fucking notice, Derek. What kind of friend am I?” Stiles almost screamed the last sentence as he dropped onto his knees right in the middle of their floor, hands folded in front of his face as tears shook his whole body.

Derek stared for a moment before he realised what was happening and dropped onto his knees as well. Carefully he wrapped his arms around Stiles’ shaking figure.

“Don’t….. Don’t touch me….” He weeped but Derek did not back off this time. Shifting closer he wrapped his arms tightly around his husbands frame. “I know” he whispered, face pressed against the side of Stiles’ head, “I know, baby.”

Those words were the last straw and Stiles finally let go of all the emotions he had bottled deep inside of himself. He cried, screamed and weeped until his voice was hoarse, until no tears were leaking from his eyes anymore and through it all Derek held him. Held him, pressed him close against his own body because he had read once that pressure made you feel better, made you feel comfortable and safe in a situation of a panic- or anxiety attack, maybe it would apply to such a moment as well.

Stiles did not mind as he grabbed onto Derek’s forearms and held onto him as if his life depended on it.

“How can he be gone…. How can he be dead?”

 

****

Derek had no idea how long they were sitting there, right in the middle of their hallway and dirty laundry strewn all around them. By now Stiles had calmed down a little bit, but Derek was sure that was only due the exhaustion taking over once again. The young man barely had been eating or drinking in the past days, doubled with that emotional breakdown they were still working through, he was sure that Stiles’ body probably was giving up.

“You wanna go inside and lay down?” Derek asked gently as he placed a kiss onto Stiles’ temple. The younger man did not react but also did not struggle when his husband slowly rose from his position and simply took him with himself.

Carefully Derek guided Stiles back into the bedroom and towards the bed. Only seconds later they both were wrapped into blankets and supported by dozens of pillows while Derek pulled Stiles close.

“I’m here.” He whispered as Stiles grabbed even tighter onto his shirt.

“I know… you might do not wanna hear this right now, but I do know how you feel. My family died, Stiles. My mom, my father, my cousins…. Laura.” Derek buried his face into the tousled brown hair of his husband as he thought of his lost family.

Stiles frame shook once again as sobs wrenched their way out of his body. He must have realised now what he had been screaming at Derek. Because of course he knew how it was to lose someone you loved dearly, how it felt to lose a sibling.

Reaching up he let his hands trail over Stiles back underneath the blanket, trying to give the other man the closeness and security he had been craving so desperately in the past days.

“And I know how much it hurts. I know how it tears your heart out, but Stiles…” he paused, pondering carefully what to say next. “Stiles…” he paused again because from experience he knew it made no sense to tell Stiles how to deal with this. He had to do this on his very own, in his own time, tempo and pace. That was something Derek had to learn the hard way as well.

“I’m here. Your dad is here, Lydia…. All of us. We’re here for you whenever you need us, okay?”

A slow nod came from the brown-haired male and Derek accepted that as answer. Stiles’ heart rate had slowed down and Derek hoped that he had cried himself to sleep. He continued to stroke over his back, nosed through his hair and took in his husbands comforting scent.

Even though he wasn’t sure if he was still listening Derek kept talking anyways.

“It’s gonna be okay, you know? One day it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna look back to the good and happy times, all the laughs and smiles you have shared together. I know it…. It seems impossible right now, and it might even sound… ridiculous, but it’s true.”

Derek closed his eyes and he visualised his sister. Her dark hair, her green eyes, her skin… her scent… her laugh and the way she used to smile. He missed Laura. He missed her so much, but now… now he thought of the good stuff with her first whenever his thoughts wandered over to her. Laura - that name did not mean hurt and sadness anymore. Laura was associated with laughter, cheekiness and love.

“And I know that you ask yourself right now if there was anything you could have done differently, if you could have saved him somehow. It’s normal to think like that…. But believe me when I say that… you could not have saved him. You did the best that you could. You have been his best friend… his brother. You have always been there for him when he needed you. There was nothing more you could have done, Stiles.”

The black-haired male swallowed thickly before he continued.

“Scott loved you and he loved Kira, his mother… the whole pack. He was happy. And we all knew what… sometimes went on inside of his head. You more than anyone of us.” Derek gently kissed Stiles hair once again. “You did everything you could.”

He held his breath for another moment when he remembered how Stiles had told him about how his mother died. How devastated and sad he had been. How his dad had started drinking and at first wasn’t able to be there for him, but Scott was. Even though they had been just kids back then he had lifted Stiles up when he needed him the most, had sat with him when he cried, held him through his panic attacks. And vice-versa Stiles had supported Scott when his father left and suddenly he had been all alone with his mom, Melissa.

Derek also remembered what the both friends had told one another back then. Five small and simple words that had guided them through years of friendships, losses and tragic events.

 

_“How am I supposed to get over this, Scott? Over the loss of my mother? How are we supposed to manage all this? I am all by myself with my dad. You are all by yourself with your mom. We’re just kids.” Stiles voice was strained with tears as he blinked at his best friend who sat across of him._

_“Easy… we take every thing when it comes at us… one thing after the other.”_

_“That does sound way too easy” Stiles said with a small snort._

_“Maybe it is that easy?” Scott wondered and fixed his gaze up into the sky where the stars were shining brightly._

_“Maybe….”_

_“One day at a time, Stiles!”_

_“One day at a time.”_

 

  
“One day at a time!”

“One day at a time.” Stiles mumbled lowly before he nuzzled further into Derek’s chest, falling asleep.


End file.
